Shocking news about the Easter Bunny: just like love, it isn’t real. However, earlier today I opened up a can of crazy when I stated that I had no idea why the “Easter Bunny” would be delivering eggs. B***hes went wild. First, they tried to explain the history of pagan rituals to me. “Eggs are a sign of fertility” they stated “as is the hare or bunny.” Great for the pagans. This doesn’t explain why freaks in pink bunny costumes are running around malls delivering chocolate eggs to children. Are we trying to make young children fertile? Is this some kind of creeper thing? No, it’s not. It’s a commercialized holiday that gives people an excuse to buy candy and gifts for each other, something supported by corporations because it helps get them money.
Some of you are already starting on your “but Easter brings families together” nonsense. I’m not starting with you. I’ll make the aside that ‘bringing families together’ probably results in more hatred than ‘love’ and leave it at that. Others decided to go on rants about how I shouldn’t be discussing that the Easter bunny isn’t real on twitter in case someone didn’t know. If you are on twitter and are not yet old enough to know about the Easter bunny then you need to get the hell off twitter immediately. If you aren’t old enough to know that the person in the suit out shopping isn’t really a bunny then do not get on social media. Do not get on media. Do not leave your home. Or do, we’ll see how that works out.
Anyway, no more changes in topic, this is about the creeper in the bunny costume delivering the eggs. You can say all you want about pagan rituals but I guarantee that 95% of people have no idea about that. In fact, I bet the majority of the people who replied to me had to google it. Is that really the state of your life? You try to one up someone through googling information?
Anyway, regardless of if this was a pagan sign of fertility at some point, you can’t argue that is why it is done now. Now it is done to make money. In fact, that should have been the answer I was given. Q: “Why does the Easter Bunny deliver eggs?” A: “Corporate Greed.” I think I’ll invent a new holiday in which an evil wizard delivers Dark Marks. I’ll call it ‘Try arguing with me about the rituals of a commercialized holiday and see what happens to you’ Day. I might have to work on shortening that.